My blog is not a popular one, and not many people know about this website. So I don’t have much of a reason to complain about hate emails and comments, or even spam.

But I do get some hate emails from time to time, and I notice they are either about song or a movie I “trashed” or about race/interracial relationships.

This is a bit confusing, because I don’t remember trashing many songs, films or novels apart from “Twilight”- and nobody complained about that. Even people who like “Twilight” like Twilight spittings, or at least don’t complain about them.

But I got one angry email concerning my not-so-favorable review of Avatar, and some people complained about my reviews of other movies, albums and novels- even if I stated I liked them. That’s right. An angry Pearl Jam fan, for example, advised me to “get back to Britney Spears” if I “can’t stand Eddie Vedder and his band”, despite the fact a) Pearl Jam is one of my favourite bands b) I like Eddie’s voice, lyrics and songs, c) it’s not really “his” band- it’s disrespectful to call it like that.

Also, some people thought I had problem with Toni Morrison (even though I said she’s one of my favourite authors), or “House M.D.” series (because I “dislike British actors (wtf?!?) or white women/black men interracial relationships”).

Which brings us to another issue: race. Race is often an issue, but the thing is, I don’t write about it. I simply don’t know much about race dynamics or have any experience with it to write about it. I did state my opinions here and there, but I never wrote about it. Yet, there are people who think I’m “siding with the enemy” (whatever that means), who think I should mind my own business, those who dislike my support for interracial relationships (or those who are angry because they think I’m against interracial relationships), and, most often, those who believe nobody should write about racism because it’s a no-issue anymore.

What is interesting about hate mail of this sort is that these people often get my gender and race wrong (which makes any of their arguments pointless), but they also often remind me I should STFU because I have no experience with race relations (well guess what- I don’t blog about it!) So I guess it has a lot to do with my involvement on other blogs that deal with race relations and racism.

What is interesting to note here is that these trolls are different than people you regularly meet online, so I guess they make a small percentage of Internet users. Still, I don’t understand why they bother, or how they (like those who think I’m trashing movies I actually like) always manage to miss the point. Completely.

Another interesting thing about authors of angry mails is that they often use contact form or find my email address without a problem, while my other visitors ignore them and post comments instead. Haters rarely comment (not that I complain), and general visitors don’t use contact form or emails. So I do find that interesting.

I worry. A lot.

Sometimes I think that’s just the way I am. You know, one of those people who can’t relax even if everything is fine. Maybe that’s who I am. But money problems always increase this. And I’m sick of worrying, tired of thinking about whether I’ll have something to eat (and yes, sometimes it’s that bad).

I am sick of it. It made me even more nervous, and it gave me grey hairs and constant stress.

I am sick of not having money, and I am sick of not knowing if I’ll ever have a decent job (and it’s not like I’m uneducated or lazy).

The problem is not the lack of money per se, but the anxiety and the fact you can’t concentrate on other things-and there are other things you should pay attention to, things that require your energy and the things you like to do.

So yeah, this was a whining post. Thanks for listening.

“House M.D.” is one of the most popular TV shows, and probably one of the best shows in the past decade. It’s sure one of my favourites. The thing is, it’s not really good per se: it’s full of repetitive moments, pointless characters and mediocre acting. Just like most of the shows anyway.

But it’s still numerous times better than the other shows, all because of it’s captivating antihero. HE is what makes “House” good. Well, at least 85% of the time. The remaining 15% goes on clever idea to make an unique adaptation of Sherlock Holmes. And let’s abmit that’s what “House” basically is: a new reading of Holmes. But it would be all worth nothing without Dr Gregory House being the way he is. He’s incredible beyond words, for the reasons that are not always clear.

So, what makes Dr House one of the best TV characters of all time?

Hugh Laurie

No placebos for him. We’ll use real medicine.

He is played by Hugh Laurie, and Hugh Laurie kicks ass. No other way to put it.

It was shocking for me to learn many Americans never heard of him before the show started. Nobody watched “Blackadder”? (If nothing else).

It’s the guy who practically made his career playing stupid Brits in comedies… Until he started playing a genius American in a medical drama. The fact he’s convincing in both proves how amazing Hugh Laurie truly is.

But there must be other reasons.

The appeal

I’m not deflecting because I’m avoiding something deep. I’m deflecting because I’m avoiding something shallow.

Dr House is fascinating because he’s unique- and unique characters draw attention. He’s not a nice or a polite human being, but that just makes him look more honest. He value truth above anything else, and he doesn’t let unimportant things, such as social norms, get in the way of it.

He is miserable most of the time, but he still manages to be a bit of a hedonist: he does what he feels like in the moment, he gets high, he collects pornography, he plays piano, he solves medical puzzles.

People want to be like him

It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.

Well, people don’t really want to be like him. Only a little. But they want it because everybody wants to be the smartest guy in the room who doesn’t care about what others think. And while people usually believe they ARE the smartest person in the room or that they don’t care about what others think, deep down, they know it’s a lie.

So in a way, House is everybody’s fantasy. He goes too far, but he often makes steps that we all want to make but never do, because- unlike him- we do care about social norms and other people’s feelings. Or maybe we’re just not genius enough to be that arrogant.

That’s a catchy diagnosis, you could dance to that

You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a- I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.

All in all, what people like about Dr House is that he acts the way we all want to act sometimes, in the most egoistic, unfair, superiority-complex kind of way.

We all know it’s wrong, and most of us don’t do it, but there’s something appealing about being completely confident and not caring about what others think. And that’s what makes Dr House such an irresistible character.

Or maybe it’s just the fact he’s played by Hugh Laurie? And as we all know, the guy is fucking awesome.

Female friendships exist, but they’re often not seen as strong or profound like male friendships. Despite the ever existing male homophobia, guys are “allowed” to have really strong friendships (as long as they don’t touch each other too often). Female friendships are encouraged, especially in the younger age, but there seems to be the social limit on how truly strong your friendship can get before becoming “questionable”.

Historically, there are so many stories about great friendships between males, their strength and loyalty. If they fail, for being on the opposite sides in a war, for example, or because of a beautiful woman, it is seen as a tragedy. Something like that never happens when it comes to women. Women are frequently seen in a female company, but the strong friendship love and passionate loyalty are rare. Even when they share similar destinies due to living in a men-dominant world, they are more polite companions than “I’ll do anything for you” relationship you often see when it comes to males. And if their friendship fails, it’s not seen as an unbelievable outcome or a base for an epic story.

There’s a reason for such a portrayal, of course. Most of the history and many of the stories are written by men, who usually don’t have a clue what women do when they’re not around. Still, it’s not an excuse. There are many female authors these days, and yet, it does seem the idea of an “acceptable female friendship” didn’t change much.

Females need other females- this fact is recognized. They need other females while growing up, and they certainly need them in later years. Still, there is a line that shall not be crossed- the BFF passionate loyalty pass the age of 12 is rarely portrayed and is often seen as “questionable”.

There seem to be the list of acceptable conversation subjects and acceptable behaviours. Women are free to talk about men, which covers many subjects, from finding a man, breaking up with a man, discussing men in general, lusting over men, or complaining about a life with a man. Those are serious subjects, no doubt, but are suspiciously man-centred. Not to mention there’s a stereotype of females talking about fashion, shopping and enjoying juicy gossip. As much as I hate these subjects, psychologists claim they are not superficial as they might seem- they do, in fact, help women bond and feel better. Which is good, and fine by me, but it still leaves us with the problem of “unacceptable” female friendship.

If a female friendship becomes really close- of the passionate “I’ll do anything for you” kind, it is often seen as “suspicious”. Such women are seen as lesbians. And no, it is not a joke. Quick, try to remember any novel, film or a story about females deeply committed to each other, without an emphasis on stereotypically female subjects in their conversations- in which they didn’t turn out to be lesbians. I can’t think of any.

Yes, I was mainly talking about media portrayal. But it does shape people’s opinion more than we like to think. This results in a significant number of women who see their female friendships in relation to their experience with men- and not on their own.

PS-Male/female friendship is another story altogether. It sure deserves its own post.

PPS-I know male friendship is different in reality than in stories. I know it’s more shallow and far away from the noble ideal. But the thing is, the ideal is there (and it’s still often seen in stories). Why isn’t the same for females, especially given the (historical) fact of women often being in a close company of other women, sharing the good or the bad, fighting their own battles in a male-dominant world?

This post is long overdue.

Why I blog

1. I don’t. As you can see, I don’t update often. And it’s a direct violation of #1 rule of blogging: Update as much as possible. Blog often. I know all of this, and yet, I don’t have a writing schedule and I don’t take it too seriously, which results in frequent blog abandonment. Sometimes I forget to blog, and sometimes I feel I don’t have anything interesting to share.

2. I like owning a personal website. That’s how it all started, after all. I opened my first website around 2003, back in the days when blogging wasn’t popular. And I used to hate blogs and blogging, because I didn’t understand the appeal. Many people used blogs as their personal diaries, and I was never into sharing private details online. And I never enjoyed reading other people’s diaries.

But blogs soon became much more. People used them to raise issues, state their opinions and make their voices heard. This made blog reading much more exciting, but writing a quality blog proved itself to be more difficult.

My blog is tricky to define. I see it as a general (non-themed) blog, one of those you see on many personal websites. But on the other hand, it’s far from being a diary or a collection of personal reflections. This makes it, I guess, difficult to find the audience. And yet, I do have visitors- more than I had in previous years. Which brings us to:

3. Visitors. I don’t blog to get hits, but it is refreshing to see there are more visitors lately. This positive trend started about the time I decided to do something about this blog and write about subjects more people might find interesting. The site is far from being popular but for the first time, there are returning visitors and people who actually notice if I don’t update often (thanks for reminding me, Natasha and Zek!)

On the other hand, this requires a certain responsibility. Responsibility to update often and give your readers what they want (in terms of blog posts/articles). I am still learning how to be responsible when it comes to blogging.

4. Practicing my English. This one is self-explanatory. But no matter what, I don’t think my English will ever be decent enough so I could write- really write- serious stuff, such as essays or stories. It’s not a surprise but it makes me pissed.

5. Meeting new people all over the world. Not the same as “visitors” , but closely related. I can’t afford to travel (and I hope it will change!), so at the moment Internet is the only way to meet people from all over the world.

So, these are my reasons.