“Twilight” rant… I mean, review!

PhotobucketI guess all about Meyer and her work has been said. So, for a moment, I thought the world didn’t need my rant about it… Until I realized I had to do it anyway. So, here it is, my “Twilight” rant number one. Enjoy.

How to keep an open mind?
I am fairly new to this (already dying?) “Twilight” mania, but of course I knew a lot about the book even before I read it: the so-called plot (that didn’t really exist), poor writing (I’ve read excerpts before), misogynistic messages and Meyer’s obsession with her main character. Nevertheless, I’ve tried to read the book with an open mind. I swear to God, I tried my best, but the outcome is the same- Stephenie’s writing sucks. In a very bad way.

Seriously, those books are a phenomenon for themselves: how come they are so painfully boring to read, and yet, they won’t make you stop? Don’t get me wrong, I know quite a few people who stopped after a few chapters. But I also know many masochists who just kept reading. And I admit, I just have to read all of those books, even though I’m pissed with everything about them.

Can somebody explain this to me? Is it because I am hoping something- anything- will actually happen on the next page? Is it because it’s “so bad it’s good”? No, it’s can’t be it. Is it because Meyer’s writing makes you sucked into her protagonist’s mind that you can not escape?

I am far away from a romantic teenager who likes any of her characters; but the writing style just makes you part of the story- and I think this is the key point here. Bella’s head is pretty boring place to hang around; and yet, you’re stuck in there and you can’t help it but to become part of the story (or, should I say, sexual fantasy). It’s like you can read minds. It’s not pretty. It’s difficult, it’s boring, it’s pointless, it’s above all annoying to read mind of such an obsessive person and follow her around, but, since you’re there, it’s hard to stop.

Good. But that doesn’t make “Twilight” books any less plotless, pointless, boring and, above all, bizarre. Yes, bizarre. And mind you, I still haven’t read the ultimate WTF book (“Breaking Dawn”), and yet, it’s creepy. Every aspect of it.

The writing is… strange to say the least, especially in the first book. First of all, NOTHING HAPPENS (all we get to see is Bella waking up, washing her teeth, cooking for her dad, driving to school, thinking about Edward, obsessing about Edward). And I also had a huge problem with the descriptions. It’s a major fail. After pages and pages of descriptions (mainly Edward), I still can not picture the guy, or any other character.

Twilight morality… Or lack thereof
The fact it’s really poorly written it’s not my main problem with “Twilight”. It’s its morality that makes me angry.

I’m sorry, but we’re talking about a world where swearing is avoided at all costs and premarital sex is a HUGE no-no, but stalking, controlling, borderline-rapists and pedophilia is ok… Well, there’s something really wrong with “Twilight” morality (and logic, but that’s another story), that I really find the story creepy. And bizarre.

PS- I guess I could add a few words about the two main characters, since they are guilty of sending all those bad messages to girls around the world.

Bella can’t tell the difference between friendship, lust, true love and obsession. She obsesses about Edward while she actually lusts for him; but because she is a good and pure and a nice girl, she doesn’t want to admit it to herself, so she confuses her feelings for true love.

Now, I’m not saying Meyer is crazy, but she sure is waaaaay immature for her age if, as a woman in her 30s, married and with kids, can’t tell difference between healthy relationship and obsession.

And not to mention Bella is selfish and ungrateful bitch. Why is she so evil to her father? (the only character in the book I really liked, btw). We never get a proper explanation for this.

Is there anything new to say about Edward? He is, after all, an abusive, controlling guy with a bunch of problems (being vampire is the least serious of them).

Actually, the romance had a potential, I guess, but Meyer failed to portray Edward’s personality and his backstory well. I guess the guy has no personality behind a pretty face. Another proof he’s just a perfect (wet) dream, nothing more. Well, not MY wet dream, Meyer.

One thought on ““Twilight” rant… I mean, review!

  1. Mariana

    I’m one of the masochists, I have to say, but I am still trying to find courage (and time) to read the last book. LOL You gave far the best explanation for the phenomenom. Bella also freaks me out, she just refuses to grow up and it seems that becoming a vampire is the easiest way to keep acting like a child. She’s stupid and like you said a ungrateful bitch. Well I have nothing more to say, you said everything that I’m not capable to say with my bad writing… Thanks for this review, it made my day. ;D

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