Note: I am not talking about long term relationships or sex as a physical act of love. We all know it’s great, we all know expressing love physically is important in a loving relationship. But it’s not what this post is about.
The casual sex. The one night stands. Whatever you want to call it. The sex “just because”. What does it mean for women?
In my teens, when I was young & inexperienced, I had a distorted view of sex. In a way, I was always able to distinguish between sex and love, not in a way they can’t or shouldn’t go together, but in a way I know when an attraction is purely physical. And there’s nothing wrong with it per se.
The problem is, I saw sex as something more brilliant, more amazing or, if you want, more romantic than it actually was (for most of the people anyway). I thought sex was magical in a way. That it is all about the physical passion that overcomes the reason, the mind, anything. The unstoppable. That it’s about two people wanting each other so much, they would do anything to touch each other and lost within the passion, even if it means not to see each other ever again. I thought it was about the feeling – and I hope you all know what I’m talking about – the feeling of wanting a man so bad it hurts; knowing that it’s impossible not to look at him, to touch him, to be with him.
Needles to say, it doesn’t work that way. Now, I’m not talking about myself here, but about general human experience with (casual) sex. In many cases, it’s not really about the passion. It’s about boredom. It’s about scoring. It’s about getting drunk and not knowing or caring what’s going on. It’s about being a rebel, or even not having anything else to do at the moment. But mainly, it’s about the boredom. There’s nothing passionate about it.
Now, I’m one of those people who do not believe in some “principal” differences between women and men. “X are from Venus, and Y are from Mars” is crap, if you ask me. I do know there are differences, but they are mainly cultural, and, while culture is very important, I do not believe women have different (sexual) needs nor that they are biologically less promiscuous than men. In case of casual sex, I don’t think women are unable to enjoy it, nor I think all women seek love and long term relationships first.
But here’s a fact (or a general rule): women do enjoy casual sex less and it often leaves them unsatisfied on all accounts. Why is that?
In short: it’s their culture’s fault. Not matter what they might think, subconsciously, women still buy double standards and believe in the old society rules that clearly say casual sex is not for women. The worse case is for the ones who try to fight double standards and the old morality.
These women don’t involve in casual sex because of the sex itself, but because they want to make a statement or rebel against their parents, society or double standards. In these circumstances, the actual sex becomes unimportant, and the quality of it is diminished.
And there’s another dimension. There are, indeed, plenty of women who don’t believe in double standards and who don’t see anything wrong in casual sex. The problem is: they are not alone here. Which brings us to the other main point:
It’s men’s fault.
Ok, ok, before you shoot me, here’s what I mean: it’s not just female upbringing that stands on the way of women enjoying casual sex. There are also people they enjoy casual sex with: men. And men have their own upbringing. Needless to say, many of them still embrace double standards in all their “beauty”.
I’m not saying all guys are double standard loving assholes. Not consciously anyway. But at the end of the day, when it comes to casual sex, it looks like most of them don’t really get that it takes two people to play this game. Two equals. That’s why you get all those guys who disrespect women involving in one night stands. Yes, even if said women involve in one night stands with them.
Many men do not wish to see the situation as such (as my male friends like to point), and many claim they, in fact, don’t think badly of women who like casual sex. But at the end of the day, it does seem only a selected number of them are able to fully respect women who do it.
Also: boredom. Like I said, many people involve in one night stands not in passion, but out of boredom. In these circumstances, the quality of the actual sex is diminished. However, it looks like it has worse effects on women. While men hate bad and uninspired sex like anybody else, in the morning they can comfort themselves with the thought that “at least they got laid”. But women tend to feel used after a bad sex, especially if a guy showed no actual interest in their needs during the intercourse. That’s why, instead of “well, at least I had sex” she thinks “what have I done?” in the morning.
These are some of the reasons why casual sex rarely works for women. They do it to make a statement, and they do it with men who don’t respect them. As sad as this sounds, if a man doesn’t respect a women enough (not in the morning but during the actual intercourse), the sex would suck for her. Not to mention she’ll probably feel used in the morning. That’s why many women decide that “casual” sex and one night stands are not for them.