A Long Penis Rant

Ah. Penises. (Waiting for the giggles to stop). Ready now? Penises. Handy things. They help men piss and make babies.

In many (most?) of the cultures, they are seen as more than that, though. A man’s penis is seen as one of the main symbols of his masculinity, or even him as a human being (??!- no shit). It’s also a commonly used symbol of fertility and power.

And there’s this idea of a big penis being the best one. Nobody knows how this myth originated, but it’s not universal. In some cultures, smaller penises were seen as better ones and the one a guy is proud to have.

One of these cultures was Ancient Greece. Ancient Greece is important because, for some reason, Western civilization sees it as it’s own cradle. It’s not Ancient Greek’s fault, but that’s how it is. So, what did they think about penises?

For all we know, they strongly associated big penises with barbarians, chaos, savagery, violence and everything bad and foreign. This is a trait that still exists in Western culture to an extend: just think about the oversexed black man = big penis stereotype. Right. It’s the same logic applied.

Now, unlike Greeks, today’s western culture – and due to globalization, all the world is at least a bit affected by it – like big penises. While “big penis equals savage” is still at play, there is also a big penis imperative in Western culture.

Nobody knows why. Men do seem pretty concerned about this issue, though it’s unclear whether they really care about it so much, or they simply pretend they do, because it’s what a guy is supposed to do.

Women certainly laugh about men and their penis obsession. But just between us, women don’t care about penis size as much as men are afraid they do; but they do care more than they are willing to admit.

Which brings us to the all existing myths about the correlation between penis size and other body parts, such as feet, hands, nose or height. Women seem to be the ones quite interested in these, and it’s not like it’s not fun to sit in a restaurant at giggle at some poor guy’s small feet.

Obviously, any comparison of this sorts is rubbish. There’s no correlation whatsoever between other body parts and penis size. There’s not even a correlation between someone’s flaccid and erect size – a fact some people still don’t get it. So I’ll repeat: you can’t say anything about guy’s erect size based on his flaccid size. Or his nose. Or feet. Or hands.

But wait a minute. Hands. Hands are interesting, because various dimensions of our body do show a slight correlation with hands. For example, a person’s fingers are of a perfect size for nose or ear picking. What I’m saying is, you can always put your finger in your ear and it will fit perfectly, but you might not do that for another person’s body. So hands are very interesting when it comes to penis stereotypes, and indeed, there seem to be several “mythical” ways of determining guy’s penis size based on them.

One of these methods take into account hand size, while other concentrate on fingers, particularly the index finger (which is proved that might show a correlation with the penis size). But my favourite method (yes, I have one) is estimating penis size based on maximum distance between guy’s thumb and index finger.

Like any other theory of this sorts, it’s utter rubbish. But. Anecdotal evidence seems to somewhat support it. I shit you not. (Guys, take a time and do it – is it true?)

There’s no reason whatsoever for this to be true, but it does make me notice guy’s hands (and feel bad about it).

Actually, this myth might as well be true – but without having anything to do with penis size. Average hand/finger size, and therefore the distance between thumb and index finger, might simply be around 6.5 inches – which is the average penis size. So it would work for many guys and appear to be true. (This is a nice example on why correlations do not mean anything on its own, btw).

So, what have we learn here? That I wrote this whole educated, smart post just I could ask the guys to measure themselves? Or so it seems. In any case, anything related to penis, particularly penis size, proves to be a very interesting topic.

PS- Let’s see if this post will generate some interesting spam messages.

26 thoughts on “A Long Penis Rant

  1. Natasha W

    “Penises. Handy things. They help men piss and make babies.”

    LMAO.

    Thanks for this post. When I saw the title I thought “What?!” Lol.

    The big penis obsession is related to the whole “bigger is better” idea. I think men get into this idea more than women. They also think women like muscular men more than average or thin men.

    Personally, as long as it isn’t microscopic or extra huge (in which case I think to myself ‘do.not.want’), I don’t care about size.

  2. Eurasian Sensation

    If there is a correlation between hand size and penis size, does that mean our ancestors were chronic masturbators? Maybe there was a cave-painting equivalent to porn back in those days.

    Btw I predict that this post will triple the amount of traffic to your blog. I wrote a couple of posts about race and penises and it had a similar effect. However, the vast majority will be traffic you don’t really want (people looking for porn, etc).

    Some great penis-related stand-up from Louis CK: http://comedians.jokes.com/louis-c-k-/videos/uncensored—louis-c-k—-last-thing-you-see/

  3. Mariana

    I just don’t get the concearn too. I mean, size does NOT matter to make sex good. Of course something so small you can’t feel it it’s not good, I suppose. In short, what I want to say is that guys usually think that the size says how good they are on sex, and that’s not true. I’m not an expert in penises, since I haven’t seen many of them live, but sex is much more than size.

    My boyfriend is one of the concearned ones. He’s just ok, for me, it pleases me but he always say that he’s just a bit over BR average. I don’t give a f*** actually.

  4. Mira Post author

    Natasha,
    The big penis obsession is related to the whole “bigger is better” idea.

    Yes, but why? I understand penis is seen as a masculinity symbol, or even a symbol of power… But I am not quite sure how we got from there to bigger is better. And yes, I do think men are concerned more about it than women. What I find hilarious is the fact they still didn’t realize flaccid size has nothing to do with the erect one, and that they should really stop being embarrassed in the shower/restroom.

    I don’t care about size.

    Honestly, the only time size matters (provided it’s healthy and functonal) is when it influences a man’s attitude. The main problem with a small penis is its owner: if he’s too shy, or embarrassed about it he won’t make a good lover because he’ll never be relaxed enough (obviously, not all – or even majority – of small penis owners are like this, but those who are, are the ones creating the small penis problem).

    Similarly, the huge penis problem might be his owner’s attitude. Some well endowed men believe it’s all what it takes to be good in bed, so they don’t even try to satisfy a woman (and many of them don’t even realize they need to be extra gentle and careful, something that a man with a smaller penis doesn’t have to do).

  5. Mira Post author

    Eurasian Sensation,

    If there is a correlation between hand size and penis size, does that mean our ancestors were chronic masturbators?

    Could be, could be. But no, there aren’t (m)any proofs for this. However, they probably did play with their penises a lot. We are unsure when circumcision first appeared, but before that (and in areas where it was never practiced), men had to have a quick way of cleaning themselves. Even apes do it. Human ancestors probably did it, too.

    Btw I predict that this post will triple the amount of traffic to your blog.

    Your penis-related articles were fantastic!

    As for the traffic, no, it’s still the same. I didn’t check my spam inbox, though.

  6. Mira Post author

    Mariana,

    he always say that he’s just a bit over BR average. I don’t give a f*** actually.

    Oh, just tell him he’s spoiled. Average or a bit over average is the best, we all know it is. So he’s very lucky, actually.

  7. zek j evets

    I think the obsession with penis-size has become so problematic because in effect, men are shamed in our society (America, at least) for having a small penis, by both men and women. I know for lots of nerdy-guys the problem often gets internalized early on, from grade-school, and gets promulgated throughout adolescence due to going to school with many of the same people over and over again, who repeat the rumors or shaming.

    As for me, the rule of thumb I grew up hearing was you could tell a guy’s size from how much of an asshole he was or over-priced a car he owned. Bigger assholes had smaller penises. Guys with gratuitous cars (like monster-trucks almost) also were said to have small penises.

  8. Mira Post author

    in effect, men are shamed in our society (America, at least)

    It’s definitely not just US. It’s the same, if not worse, in my culture. Oh, it has to be worse. (You can’t get worse than how it’s here, I think).

    I know for lots of nerdy-guys the problem often gets internalized early on

    I don’t get it. Why would nerdy guys have small penises? Or is it because that’s how other see them? (You are nerdy = your penis has to be tiny? The old stereotypes about scientists and truck drivers?)

    As for me, the rule of thumb I grew up hearing was you could tell a guy’s size from how much of an asshole he was or over-priced a car he owned.

    Well, the asshole thing could definitely work in my culture, but not the car one. But interesting enough, I think the biggest jerks are those who are bigger (or think they are). But men in my culture talk about their dicks often, and of course they are all 20+ cm (8+ inches).

  9. Dr. Vagrant X

    I think the question is a fairly simple one. Just like some women obsess about breast or hip size or what have you, guys obsess about the size of their penis. Just like with women and breast, there is an assumption that, on average, women prefer men with all around (i.e. length and width) bigger penises. Similarly, the media obviously doesn’t help with this perceived message (Think of all the movies where a guys smaller penis size is played for laughs).

  10. Natasha W

    Mira,

    “I understand penis is seen as a masculinity symbol, or even a symbol of power… But I am not quite sure how we got from there to bigger is better.”

    Penis = masculinity (supposedly). So bigger penis = more masculine. :)

  11. Mira

    Dr. Vagrant,

    Just like with women and breast, there is an assumption that, on average, women prefer men with all around (i.e. length and width) bigger penises.

    Hmmm… Are you sue it’s because of the girls? I was under the impression “bigger is better” is an imperative men force on each other. Partly, yes, it’s because of women, but it sure looks like what men think women like instead of what women really like in a partner (even on this superficial level).

    I mean, I don’t know many men who would trade their penis for a smaller one even if they knew a smaller one would satisfy their partner better.

    Think of all the movies where a guys smaller penis size is played for laughs.

    This is, sadly, true. I really don’t get jokes about physical appearance, ethnicity, etc. (stuff you don’t have any control with)Also, I don’t remember ANY film in which main male character was anything less than “well endowed”. (Ok, sometimes it wasn’t mentioned, but whenever it is, or implied, it’s always HUGE!) Where are small penis heroes? They deserve the love, too!

    Natasha,

    Penis = masculinity (supposedly). So bigger penis = more masculine.

    Yes, it seems to be as simple as that. I guess I was hoping for a more complex explanation.

  12. Jasmin

    Ooh penises! :-)

    I’ll be honest (Zek, close your eyes!): my last serious ex had a huge penis, and even though I never had sex with him, that thing scared the sh*t out of me.

  13. Mira

    that thing scared the sh*t out of me.

    This! 100x this! It’s not a guy’s fault if he’s big, but, uh, that thing is not a chick magnet (at least not in my book).

  14. Natasha W

    Mira,

    When it comes to men, Occam’s Razor always applies. :D

    @ Mira and Jasmin,

    Ditto. Those things are a bit scary.

  15. Dr. Vagrant X

    Hmmm… Are you sue it’s because of the girls? I was under the impression “bigger is better” is an imperative men force on each other. Partly, yes, it’s because of women, but it sure looks like what men think women like instead of what women really like in a partner (even on this superficial level).

    Well, yes, men do enforce this nonsense far more than women, that’s definitely true, and they do enforce it because, most of the time, men are clueless about what women actually want. However, I think it just depends on where you are. I know in parts of the black community (especially the working class), women aren’t shy about saying they definitely prefer a pretty well endowed guy.

    I mean, I don’t know many men who would trade their penis for a smaller one even if they knew a smaller one would satisfy their partner better.

    I think that just comes down to the individual and how much they want to please their partner/how much they’re willing to go against societal/cultural norms. The big penis phenomenon is definitely cultural (just like the big breast and big/small butt preference), so I think this is all really reliant on how much one conforms to social pressures.

    Someone should really do an anthropological study on this, lol. XD

    that thing scared the sh*t out of me. This

    This! 100x this! It’s not a guy’s fault if he’s big, but, uh, that thing is not a chick magnet (at least not in my book). And this.

    Lolz.

    When it comes to men, Occam’s Razor always applies. :D

    Wow…that actually kind of hurts.

    Anyway, I think, Mira, it is fairly complicated, but no one has a firm grasp on the mechanisms at work here. Unlike women assaulting the outrageous standards the media and men have set for women to meet, there isn’t much public discourse concerning penis size and the outrageous standards established therein.

  16. zek j evets

    Hmm… it seems that the ladies in this forum are saying that small penises are kind of laughable, and huge penises are effing scary.

    Being average never seemed so promising ; )

  17. Natasha W

    Dr. Vagrant X says:

    “I know in parts of the black community (especially the working class), women aren’t shy about saying they definitely prefer a pretty well endowed guy.”

    This is just a lot of bravado, trust me. They wouldn’t turn down a guy who was smaller. And they are mostly saying this to prop up black men who supposedly (not actually…) are larger.

    “Wow…that actually kind of hurts.”

    I thought men liked being considered more simple. :)

    zek says:

    “Being average never seemed so promising”

    Lol.

    Average is good in this situation, very good.

  18. jas0nburns

    lol at this post.

    The thing about penis size is that it’s relative. A good question might be why men always feel responsible for making sure everything fits right. With some women you’re going to feel bigger, with others you’re going to feel smaller.

  19. Mira

    jas0nburns,

    Welcome and sorry for my late reply! I don’t know how I missed your comment…

    Well, true, vaginas come in different sizes, too. And while some women DO feel concerned about it, it’s not nearly as much as men worry about their penis size.

    Serpentus,

    I highly doubt it’s the porn. Penis was always seen as a symbol of masculinity, or even power. And while there were cultures, like ancient Greece, who preferred men to have smaller penises, there were many cultures who liked them big. :D

    But yes, I do think porn makes a big influence on today’s people, especially youth. They watch it and think they need to be that big to be good in bed. But there’s something even worse about the porn: it’s the fact kids copy actors’ behavior. MOST of the things displayed in (mainstream heterosexual) porn are not something that women like! I mean, mainstream porn is a male fantasy. Do not try this at home, kids!

  20. Dr. Vagrant X

    MOST of the things displayed in (mainstream heterosexual) porn are not something that women like!

    Wait, wait, wait a minute, are you telling me women don’t like the “money shot”!? That’s impossible! The porn “actresses” seem to love it! *Sarcasm*

    Seriously though, you’re right. Too many young guys are using porn as a reference with disastrous results.

  21. Mira Post author

    Do you see what you did here? You made me Google “money shot” just to make sure it is what I think it is.

    (It is)

    Well, you know how they say, whatever happens between two (three, four…) consenting adults is ok.

    But the thing is, porn is fantasy, and when you’re mature and experienced you can understand it. But if it’s your first exposure to real life sex… then yes, it’s a recipe for fail.

    (Now, romantic teen movies are also a recipe for fail, because sex in those films is equally unrealistic).

  22. Dr. Vagrant X

    Do you see what you did here? You made me Google “money shot” just to make sure it is what I think it is.

    lol. Sure I did, Mira, sure I did. ;)

    Well, you know how they say, whatever happens between two (three, four…) consenting adults is ok

    Well if the number of participants gets any higher, you don’t just have “money shots” you’ll be watching one of the most absurd “genres” of porn out there. I would have written the name of said “genre”, but I don’t want you having to look it up and then scar your fragile psyche.

    (Now, romantic teen movies are also a recipe for fail, because sex in those films is equally unrealistic).

    Not to mention boring…

  23. Mira Post author

    lol. Sure I did, Mira, sure I did. ;)

    I swear! I’m not a native speaker. And porn slang can be complicated! (Not that I’m interested in learning it…)

    I would have written the name of said “genre”, but I don’t want you having to look it up and then scar your fragile psyche.

    Oh no, we wouldn’t want that!

    Not to mention boring…

    True! Porn might be unrealistic, but at least it’s hilarious! This crap… Not so much.

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