Female friendships exist, but they’re often not seen as strong or profound like male friendships. Despite the ever existing male homophobia, guys are “allowed” to have really strong friendships (as long as they don’t touch each other too often). Female friendships are encouraged, especially in the younger age, but there seems to be the social limit on how truly strong your friendship can get before becoming “questionable”.
Historically, there are so many stories about great friendships between males, their strength and loyalty. If they fail, for being on the opposite sides in a war, for example, or because of a beautiful woman, it is seen as a tragedy. Something like that never happens when it comes to women. Women are frequently seen in a female company, but the strong friendship love and passionate loyalty are rare. Even when they share similar destinies due to living in a men-dominant world, they are more polite companions than “I’ll do anything for you” relationship you often see when it comes to males. And if their friendship fails, it’s not seen as an unbelievable outcome or a base for an epic story.
There’s a reason for such a portrayal, of course. Most of the history and many of the stories are written by men, who usually don’t have a clue what women do when they’re not around. Still, it’s not an excuse. There are many female authors these days, and yet, it does seem the idea of an “acceptable female friendship” didn’t change much.
Females need other females- this fact is recognized. They need other females while growing up, and they certainly need them in later years. Still, there is a line that shall not be crossed- the BFF passionate loyalty pass the age of 12 is rarely portrayed and is often seen as “questionable”.
There seem to be the list of acceptable conversation subjects and acceptable behaviours. Women are free to talk about men, which covers many subjects, from finding a man, breaking up with a man, discussing men in general, lusting over men, or complaining about a life with a man. Those are serious subjects, no doubt, but are suspiciously man-centred. Not to mention there’s a stereotype of females talking about fashion, shopping and enjoying juicy gossip. As much as I hate these subjects, psychologists claim they are not superficial as they might seem- they do, in fact, help women bond and feel better. Which is good, and fine by me, but it still leaves us with the problem of “unacceptable” female friendship.
If a female friendship becomes really close- of the passionate “I’ll do anything for you” kind, it is often seen as “suspicious”. Such women are seen as lesbians. And no, it is not a joke. Quick, try to remember any novel, film or a story about females deeply committed to each other, without an emphasis on stereotypically female subjects in their conversations- in which they didn’t turn out to be lesbians. I can’t think of any.
Yes, I was mainly talking about media portrayal. But it does shape people’s opinion more than we like to think. This results in a significant number of women who see their female friendships in relation to their experience with men- and not on their own.
PS-Male/female friendship is another story altogether. It sure deserves its own post.
PPS-I know male friendship is different in reality than in stories. I know it’s more shallow and far away from the noble ideal. But the thing is, the ideal is there (and it’s still often seen in stories). Why isn’t the same for females, especially given the (historical) fact of women often being in a close company of other women, sharing the good or the bad, fighting their own battles in a male-dominant world?
… Because I don’t like female authors?
