Female friendships exist, but they’re often not seen as strong or profound like male friendships. Despite the ever existing male homophobia, guys are “allowed” to have really strong friendships (as long as they don’t touch each other too often). Female friendships are encouraged, especially in the younger age, but there seems to be the social limit on how truly strong your friendship can get before becoming “questionable”.

Historically, there are so many stories about great friendships between males, their strength and loyalty. If they fail, for being on the opposite sides in a war, for example, or because of a beautiful woman, it is seen as a tragedy. Something like that never happens when it comes to women. Women are frequently seen in a female company, but the strong friendship love and passionate loyalty are rare. Even when they share similar destinies due to living in a men-dominant world, they are more polite companions than “I’ll do anything for you” relationship you often see when it comes to males. And if their friendship fails, it’s not seen as an unbelievable outcome or a base for an epic story.

There’s a reason for such a portrayal, of course. Most of the history and many of the stories are written by men, who usually don’t have a clue what women do when they’re not around. Still, it’s not an excuse. There are many female authors these days, and yet, it does seem the idea of an “acceptable female friendship” didn’t change much.

Females need other females- this fact is recognized. They need other females while growing up, and they certainly need them in later years. Still, there is a line that shall not be crossed- the BFF passionate loyalty pass the age of 12 is rarely portrayed and is often seen as “questionable”.

There seem to be the list of acceptable conversation subjects and acceptable behaviours. Women are free to talk about men, which covers many subjects, from finding a man, breaking up with a man, discussing men in general, lusting over men, or complaining about a life with a man. Those are serious subjects, no doubt, but are suspiciously man-centred. Not to mention there’s a stereotype of females talking about fashion, shopping and enjoying juicy gossip. As much as I hate these subjects, psychologists claim they are not superficial as they might seem- they do, in fact, help women bond and feel better. Which is good, and fine by me, but it still leaves us with the problem of “unacceptable” female friendship.

If a female friendship becomes really close- of the passionate “I’ll do anything for you” kind, it is often seen as “suspicious”. Such women are seen as lesbians. And no, it is not a joke. Quick, try to remember any novel, film or a story about females deeply committed to each other, without an emphasis on stereotypically female subjects in their conversations- in which they didn’t turn out to be lesbians. I can’t think of any.

Yes, I was mainly talking about media portrayal. But it does shape people’s opinion more than we like to think. This results in a significant number of women who see their female friendships in relation to their experience with men- and not on their own.

PS-Male/female friendship is another story altogether. It sure deserves its own post.

PPS-I know male friendship is different in reality than in stories. I know it’s more shallow and far away from the noble ideal. But the thing is, the ideal is there (and it’s still often seen in stories). Why isn’t the same for females, especially given the (historical) fact of women often being in a close company of other women, sharing the good or the bad, fighting their own battles in a male-dominant world?

Dear readers,

I am sorry for not updating in a while. It happens. I was a) busy and b) suddenly sick of the Internet. Yes, yours truly was actually losing interest in the Internet. I suspect it was temporary, but still…

It happens, I guess. I completely lost an inspiration for blogging- and those senior readers know it happens to me from time to time. I don’t like to blog randomly, without any idea or structure within a post, so when I’m not inspired to write something coherent, I don’t write at all. I guess it’s the same for other bloggers, but those smart out there always have an idea for at least 3 posts in advance, so they can always use those ideas. Others simply don’t care about writing randomly. Or not updating often.

All in all, I’m here. Sorry for my late replies to your comments/emails/blog posts. Hope to be more regular these days!

And now, something really cute:

Note: I am not talking about long term relationships or sex as a physical act of love. We all know it’s great, we all know expressing love physically is important in a loving relationship. But it’s not what this post is about.

The casual sex. The one night stands. Whatever you want to call it. The sex “just because”. What does it mean for women?

In my teens, when I was young & inexperienced, I had a distorted view of sex. In a way, I was always able to distinguish between sex and love, not in a way they can’t or shouldn’t go together, but in a way I know when an attraction is purely physical. And there’s nothing wrong with it per se.

The problem is, I saw sex as something more brilliant, more amazing or, if you want, more romantic than it actually was (for most of the people anyway). I thought sex was magical in a way. That it is all about the physical passion that overcomes the reason, the mind, anything. The unstoppable. That it’s about two people wanting each other so much, they would do anything to touch each other and lost within the passion, even if it means not to see each other ever again. I thought it was about the feeling – and I hope you all know what I’m talking about – the feeling of wanting a man so bad it hurts; knowing that it’s impossible not to look at him, to touch him, to be with him.

Needles to say, it doesn’t work that way. Now, I’m not talking about myself here, but about general human experience with (casual) sex. In many cases, it’s not really about the passion. It’s about boredom. It’s about scoring. It’s about getting drunk and not knowing or caring what’s going on. It’s about being a rebel, or even not having anything else to do at the moment. But mainly, it’s about the boredom. There’s nothing passionate about it.

Now, I’m one of those people who do not believe in some “principal” differences between women and men. “X are from Venus, and Y are from Mars” is crap, if you ask me. I do know there are differences, but they are mainly cultural, and, while culture is very important, I do not believe women have different (sexual) needs nor that they are biologically less promiscuous than men. In case of casual sex, I don’t think women are unable to enjoy it, nor I think all women seek love and long term relationships first.

But here’s a fact (or a general rule): women do enjoy casual sex less and it often leaves them unsatisfied on all accounts. Why is that?

In short: it’s their culture’s fault. Not matter what they might think, subconsciously, women still buy double standards and believe in the old society rules that clearly say casual sex is not for women. The worse case is for the ones who try to fight double standards and the old morality.

These women don’t involve in casual sex because of the sex itself, but because they want to make a statement or rebel against their parents, society or double standards. In these circumstances, the actual sex becomes unimportant, and the quality of it is diminished.

And there’s another dimension. There are, indeed, plenty of women who don’t believe in double standards and who don’t see anything wrong in casual sex. The problem is: they are not alone here. Which brings us to the other main point:

It’s men’s fault.

Ok, ok, before you shoot me, here’s what I mean: it’s not just female upbringing that stands on the way of women enjoying casual sex. There are also people they enjoy casual sex with: men. And men have their own upbringing. Needless to say, many of them still embrace double standards in all their “beauty”.

I’m not saying all guys are double standard loving assholes. Not consciously anyway. But at the end of the day, when it comes to casual sex, it looks like most of them don’t really get that it takes two people to play this game. Two equals. That’s why you get all those guys who disrespect women involving in one night stands. Yes, even if said women involve in one night stands with them.

Many men do not wish to see the situation as such (as my male friends like to point), and many claim they, in fact, don’t think badly of women who like casual sex. But at the end of the day, it does seem only a selected number of them are able to fully respect women who do it.

Also: boredom. Like I said, many people involve in one night stands not in passion, but out of boredom. In these circumstances, the quality of the actual sex is diminished. However, it looks like it has worse effects on women. While men hate bad and uninspired sex like anybody else, in the morning they can comfort themselves with the thought that “at least they got laid”. But women tend to feel used after a bad sex, especially if a guy showed no actual interest in their needs during the intercourse. That’s why, instead of “well, at least I had sex” she thinks “what have I done?” in the morning.

These are some of the reasons why casual sex rarely works for women. They do it to make a statement, and they do it with men who don’t respect them. As sad as this sounds, if a man doesn’t respect a women enough (not in the morning but during the actual intercourse), the sex would suck for her. Not to mention she’ll probably feel used in the morning. That’s why many women decide that “casual” sex and one night stands are not for them.

In short: No, I did not abandon my site. You may all relax. All three of you, my regular visitors!

I just turned around and it’s April 16th already! So, what’s up, you may ask? Not much (as usual). I got sick and I was feeling crappy. My throat hurt and I sounded like a 60 year old guy on crack (not my usual high pitch voice- yes, in case you didn’t know, my voice is like that, well, not all the time, but I can reach some reeally high notes, especially when talking to hamsters or other animals. Yes, I talk to animals. And no, I don’t expect them to talk back, not in human language at least. Stream of consciousness paragraph ends… Now).

I am feeling better now, but I still need a few days to get into shape.

Now, about the news.

I got a new hamster. Yes, that’s right, I have a hamster again! I wanted to buy a male, because they tend to be tame and bite less than females, but I got a female instead! Her name is Polina (as you might guess, she was supposed to be Pol, read as Paul), and she is long haired Syrian. She doesn’t bite, but she is still a bit scared of me. Oh well. At least she lets me hold her a bit. I didn’t know females can be that visibly longaired!

Once again, I am sorry for not posting that long. I don’t like when I don’t update often. I do have some ideas for posts, mainly rants about crappy movies (when you’re ill you get to watch many of them), but I just didn’t have time (or energy) to update. Hope you understand!

PS- It’s nice to notice Jefflion is getting more hits, even if I don’t update. “More” means “around 15″, but I don’t complain!

Here’s what my stats have to say about searches:

Top Searches: eddie vedder, how to know if a guy is a virgin, mira buva, how to tell if a guy really lost his virginity, download mask paint shop pro.

So yeah, Eddie still rulez (apparently), even after he transformed himself into Dude Lebowski.

Please, tell me this is an early April Fools joke!

“Before “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” hits theaters on June 30, “Twilight” fans will be treated to a new glimpse into author Stephenie Meyer’s vampire universe.

On June 5, the 36-year-old multimillionaire author will release “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner,” a novella that takes place concurrently with the events in the third “Twilight” book, “Eclipse.”

Source: Stephenie Meyer’s New ‘Twilight’ Book

WTF?!?!

Shit! Fuck! Crap! Shit!

Ok, now let me rephrase that: What the fuck is this woman doing? Why don’t people stop her?!? This is insane. I mean: insane. There are so many talented writers who actually spend time researching, writing, trying to find a published, struggling, caring, trying to do their best (for example: me ), and this talentless… individual recycles her wet dream cash cow novel over and over and over again. And people are actually interested in this?

Please, tell me it’s an April Fools joke.

Related:
“Eclipse”: The logic behind a boring mess
“New Moon” movie: Not worth the LULZ
25 things I learned reading “Twilight”
… and other “Twilight” spittings.