My 30 birthday started horrible. I got a nice present yesterday; a really, really nice one: they cut off my electricity because of the unpaid bills. “Unpaid” is an overstatement: I do pay regularly, just not the full amount. (It’s not that I don’t want to… I don’t have enough money to pay). They are relatively tolerant, that is, if you pay at least a small amount when they send you a warning. But I never received the warning, because my postman sucks and refuses to do his job.
So, there I was, no electricity, and panicking. So I called my mother and begged her to pay the bill with her credit card. She got pissed, but went with it. *
* For my international ( = non-Balkan readers): Parents supporting their kids well into their 30s is a normal thing here. Everybody does that. Old people have the most stable income (pension), while people who work… Not so much. So it’s not a rare thing for a person to support her child (who is married) and her grandchildren.
My mother, however… Is specific. She is quite lonely (she has virtually no friends), so she can get possessive and passive-aggressive. To be dependent on her is not a fun thing.
So, I am broke now. Well, I am always broke, but now even more; I am so broke I can’t afford to invite a few friends over for drinks and a cake.
But I digress. After I got the money (more money than I even had with me), and after I gave all of it to those who shall not be named (but work for this rotten, twisted country), I went home. They promised to turn the electricity on today, which meant one night with candlelight. The problem was, I had no candles. So I’ve spent good amount of time looking for one.
Then I got back at my flat, only to discover that the freezer broke. The ice melted, only to expose a tiny hole (that I didn’t know existed). The hole produced a threatening, hissing sound, probably due to freon (or some shit) coming out. I suck at chemistry so I had no idea whether that crap is a) toxic, b) flammable, so it scared the shit out of me. I had to take that crap out of my place.
So my husband and I did it. I am short and weak, and the doctor warned him against lifting heavy things, but there was no way I’d let that thing stay in my flat. So we tried to move it (as heavy as it was), only to realize the cable stuck somewhere behind it, in the total darkness. So I had to take the knife and cut the cable (still in darkness!) to move the fucking thing. While I was doing it I realized how absurd the whole thing was. But it wasn’t funny.
I’ll spare you the details of carrying the freezer to the elevator, and then carrying it across the street to toss it, and me whining in pain because the fucking thing was so heavy. And then getting back to the apartment and carrying the wooden box that the freezer stood on. And then trying to wash yourself, in total darkness.
It was midnight by then, and my birthday officially started. I got a text message from Iva , and I couldn’t answer. It was all surreal somehow.
I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my chest. I know that feeling: it’s how my body reacts to stress. Another common symptom is not being able to eat (which is not a bad thing, since I’m broke), and random periods.
So, that’s it, I guess. I was really looking forward to my 30th birthday. I wanted to relax a bit, and do nothing, and stop worrying for a change. And now it will take me days to recover from this.
The picture posted here was taken by Iva about a week ago. I don’t feel like I’m 30, and then again, I do. People say I don’t look 30 (the only “problematic” thing are dark circles under my eyes, but it’s not due to age, but glasses: I’ve always had them and hated them).
All in all, that’s it, I guess. My relaxation will have to wait. Thanks for reading. A good thing about writing something bad down (which I rarely do, btw) is the fact it makes it seem less real. (At least after a while).