Tag Archives: breaking dawn

New Twilight book: April Fools joke?

Please, tell me this is an early April Fools joke!

“Before “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” hits theaters on June 30, “Twilight” fans will be treated to a new glimpse into author Stephenie Meyer’s vampire universe.

On June 5, the 36-year-old multimillionaire author will release “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner,” a novella that takes place concurrently with the events in the third “Twilight” book, “Eclipse.”

Source: Stephenie Meyer’s New ‘Twilight’ Book


Shit! Fuck! Crap! Shit!

Ok, now let me rephrase that: What the fuck is this woman doing? Why don’t people stop her?!? This is insane. I mean: insane. There are so many talented writers who actually spend time researching, writing, trying to find a published, struggling, caring, trying to do their best (for example: me :D), and this talentless… individual recycles her wet dream cash cow novel over and over and over again. And people are actually interested in this?

Please, tell me it’s an April Fools joke.

“Eclipse”: The logic behind a boring mess
“New Moon” movie: Not worth the LULZ
25 things I learned reading “Twilight”
… and other “Twilight” spittings.

“Breaking Dawn”: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Finally, FINALLY, as promised- my long awaited “Breaking Dawn” rant. After all, New Moon is here (yay!) and “Twilight” is a hot topic once again (nay!)

The Good

Unlike previous books, there were some good things about “Breaking Dawn”.

Jacob’s chapters

Jacob’s chapters (and chapter titles) made this book readable. We all know Meyer still sucks as a writer, but switching to someone else’s point of view was a huge refreshment. It’s really painful to hang around Bella’s unimaginative head all the time. So this was definitely a plus. Reading about Jacob and Leah was much better; it was still miles away from any interesting plot, but at least it was READABLE. Also, for the first time in the series, I actually cared, at least a little bit, about what’s going to happen- and something was happening. I even liked some generally pathetic scenes, such as Jacob’s trip out of town in desperate wish for imprinting. Also, Meyer did try to alter her narrative a bit, so Jacob didn’t sound as boring and whiny and oh-so-perfect as the other characters.

It had a plot

Ok, “plot” might be a strong word here. “Breaking Dawn” didn’t have a real plot, of course (it’s a Stephenie Meyer’s novel after all), but it did have a good amount of plot for a Twilight book. At least something was going on, no matter how ridiculous or stupid or unoriginal it was. For the first time, we didn’t have to wait till the last 50 pages for something to happen.

Other, self-explanatory reasons

It’s finally over.
It made many fangirls antis.

The Bad

Ah, where to start?

Horrible writing

Meyer can’t write, period. And I don’t mean she has a bad writing style; she can’t even present her thoughts in a coherent way! And this one… This one looks like it was written in less than a week, and never saw an editor.

The honeymoon

Those chapters were laughable, almost pathetic. They seem more as something written by a 12 year old girl than a grown up woman. I mean… What was she thinking? Nobody buys her “romantic” fade to black sex, not even teenage girls.

Bella as a vampire

Ok, we get it, Meyer. She is the greatest Mary Sue in history of literature. There’s absolutely no need to describe her perfection in several very long, and very, very boring chapters.

The ending

Useless! Why creating the whole setting for a battle if you don’t intend characters to fight? And this was supposed to be an “epic” book? Is this how Meyer see suspense, action, mystery, adventure? (Or romance for that matter)??? I think it’s all because she can’t write; some people accuse her of “telling, not showing”, but if you ask me, she can’t even “tell”.

The Ugly

And yes, there are some truly sick things about this book. Wise people addressed all of these issues before me, so I don’t feel the need to go into details. But there are so many bizarre and simply WRONG things about this book (and, accordingly, the whole series), so you don’t really know where to start: Jacob imprinting, the birth, Nessie herself, Bella’s vampire Mary Sue superpowers, borderline-rape sex, malicious messages etc etc.

Seriously: there’s something really wrong with this woman’s sense of logic, morality and common sense. I mean: really, really wrong.

The worst thing is…

… Meyer claims her novels are about “love, not lust”. Yet, all Bella sees in Edward is how hot he is. All she wants is to have sex with him. She is ready to neglect her child in order to have sex sessions with her vampire.

Meyer claims her novels are about “making choices”. And yet, nobody- and I mean NOBODY- was allowed to make a choice; everybody was forced into a situation, or affected by “destiny”. Her characters couldn’t chose anything, sometimes not even the clothes they’ll wear (Alice chooses for them). Cullens never chose to become vampires. Jacob never chose Nessie. We all know Nessie doesn’t have a say in her future. Bella was never allowed to make any choice, either- Edward makes all the thinking for her. So WHAT is Meyer talking about, exactly????

And the bottom line

So, in short, why do I dislike “Twilight” series so much?

At first, I thought it was because of all the misogyny. Then, I thought it was about the unhealthy messages and twisted logic. I admit, I could never understand Meyer’s often bizarre sense for morality (sex is wrong, but abuse isn’t; having ambition is wrong, but pedophilia isn’t.. etc etc).

Now I see those are all valid reasons to dislike, even detest “Twilight” series, but they’re not the right ones.

The main reason for me is pretty simple, actually. Stephenie Meyer CAN NOT write. She never deserved to be a published writer; not with this glorified fanfiction. She needs to learn a lot. She needs to learn how to do a research, how to plan a story, how to show and not tell.

“Twilight” screams immaturity; her immaturity as a writer and more often than not, her immaturity as a person. Even her target audience- teenage girls- outgrow “Twilight” with “Breaking Dawn”, realizing how useless, bizarre and incoherent it was. Will Meyer ever be able to outgrow it herself?