Tag Archives: feeling older

My birthday! I am 31 (but I totally don’t feel that way)

So, it was my 31st birthday yesterday. Nothing overly exciting, but sure better than the last year, when they cut off my electricity because of the unpaid bills. So… yeah.

It was a pretty uneven year, full of disappointments on the career/education front. But I don’t want to talk about this because it would make me so fucking depressed. The weather is horrible, BTW, not like late spring at all (rain and that shit), so I do need stuff to cheer me up.

I received some nice stuff for my birthday. A new bra (that was almost impossible to find, since my boobs are apparently “too big” for regular bras. WTF?) A history of science book from my husband.

The world also managed to cheer me up: the news were released about Benedict Cumberbatch being cast in 12 Years a Slave. Now, movies about slavery usually get a side-eye from me, but I am excited for this. Steve McQueen is an excellent director who’s not ready to compromise. Plus, Shadow and Act reviewed the script and it looks like it might be really good (no white savior shit!) Plus, Chiwetel Ejiofor rocks, so I really hope this can be a good film. And since Benedict Cumberbatch is the acting revelation of the year for me (I should blog about this one of these days), I am really excited about this.

So, that’s all, I guess. My birthday wasn’t exciting but it was relaxing enough. I am 31, but I don’t feel that way. On one hand, I am completely anxious and I feel like I’m too old and late for some things, such as the first decent job, PhD studies or, yes, children. My mom got me when she was 32, but I’ve always wanted to have at least 2-3 children. On the other hand, I can’t believe I’m 31 – I feel like I’m in my early 20s. Seriously. I had no idea you could feel like this, both younger and older than your age. But I guess it was like that with me from the start. I was always a bit older than my age in some things and completely immature and childish in others. It’s how it goes, I guess. Aren’t all people like this?