That being said, here are some news on my ever-exciting life (read: completely boring).

- I participated in a conference (astronomy and culture), and now I have two academic papers to write. Those will be my first papers ever published, because the one I wrote for the last conference failed since my co-writer never bothered to write her part. Lesson learned: I am not a team worker. (Read: I don’t know how to make other team members to cooperate).

- My dear hamster Polina died on April 26th. She was more than two years old, and that’s an old age for a hamster. I’ve written more about it in my Tumblr, so please read if you’re interested. I got pretty emotional even though the writing doesn’t really reflect that.

My hamster Polina died (Tumbrl post)

- I suffer from insomnia. Well, it’s not really insomnia as much as it’s a weird sleeping pattern. I get really sleepy in the afternoon but when 2AM comes, I am wide awake and full of energy. I end up doing stuff till 7 AM without sleeping. Then I fall asleep and I sleep all day. Not healthy. For example, yesterday I went to bed at noon and I woke up at 1 AM. I also gained a lot of weight – I’ve never been heavier, and while I don’t give a fuck about my sexiness, it is a lot, people. And I don’t eat that much at all. It has to be connected to shitty sleeping pattern. I’m also anxious and depressed and it’s also spring, so I get my allergy from time to time, which means horrible migraines. My IQ also seems to drop by at least 20 percent. I couldn’t remember how to spell Ian McEwan the other day (and I’m not even sure I spelled it right now). All I can do is watch movies and theorize/analyze them. Which isn’t at all that bad if it’s productive (one of the conference papers was about the way astronomy is portrayed in disaster movies), but most of the time, it isn’t.

- I feel guilty for not updating my blog, or visiting other people’s blogs, or replying to emails. There’s so much I have to do, and I just… It doesn’t seem I have time. Well, if you sleep for whole day and walk around like a zombie you wouldn’t have time for anything either. I hate this, you know? I hate when I don’t have anything to do, because I’m a big procrastinator and I can’t function without a deadline over my head and the panic it creates. When they give me specific tasks to do, I do them, PLUS I find time for creative stuff and quality time with my husband. It seems like I manage to find time for everything, even if I have less free time. But if free time is mostly what I have… Forget it. I can’t manage to do anything. It sucks a big time.

So, what’s new with you guys? (Assuming there’s anyone left here because I don’t update often). As usual, I’d like to update more, and I actually have plenty of ideas for new posts. But, you see, time managing and all. Makes no sense, I know. But oh, it sucks.

A no-brainer.

Parental rights for both genders.

Equal educational and work opportunities.

Watching movies with at least two women talking to each other about something other than a man.

Not assuming all men are rapists until proven otherwise.

Being able to carry your own luggage regardless of your gender.

Being able to cry regardless of your gender.

Having sex whenever you want, with whoever you want (as long as they agree).

Not being valued by your perceived attractivenes.

Not assuming there are only two genders.

Like I said, a no-brainer, really.

(In response to Kia.)

And before you ask about the Dark Knight Rising: no. Not my thing. Yes, I know Gary Oldman is in and all. Still no. Plus, the only other potentially interesting thing in this film for me (Tom Hardy’s luscious lips) will be covered by the mask, so, why bother? I would be awesome if Cilian Murphy had a cameo, though.

So, what about the stuff I do want to see? The best films in any given year are usually the ones I discover by an accident. Those that are highly anticipated often disappoint (due to high expectations, no doubt). Still, here’s a quick list of my most anticipated films (in order of the release date):

The Raven

This gothic tale about E.A. Poe (played by John Cusack) and murders inspired by his works is getting solid reviews and seems reasonably interesting, even if you’re not into this sort of things. Some people describe it as “Seven set in 19th century“, so this might go either horribly wrong or amazingly creepy – which, in context of the movie – is a good thing.

The REAL reason why it’s on my most anticipated movies list is that it’s filmed in Belgrade. That’s right, my hometown (and, as I can tell, Budapest) will serve as a 19th century Baltimore. Watching a film for catching all the locations and the way they’re used? It’s as good reason as any other.

Release date: April 27.
Chances that it will suck: 78%

All in Good Time

This is one of those small British films I love so much (and despite of what some may think, I don’t have ulterior motives for anticipating it). It’s a story about newlyweds (played by Amara Karan and Reece Ritchie) who can’t consummate their union because they have to stay with his family, which is, well, complicated. Not the best way to start your marriage, but it was a reality for many of us. The film is directed by Nigel Cole (Calendar Girls) and written by Ayub Khan-Din (the author of East Is East, which is one of the main motives to watch this one). Though the film’s journey is more complicated than this (adapted form a play that was adapted from another play).

As someone who never had her honeymoon and whose wedding night included a bunch of noisy neighbours and a snoring grandmother in the other room, yes, I can relate. Not to mention living with my family wasn’t particularly great either. Ok, I know there are a lot of differences (in culture and setting – we’re nor Indian nor British), and as much as it may seem like an interesting story from a, erm cultural POV, it’s not the main appeal, and I sure hope it’s not going to be made as such. (*cough* Orientalism *cough*)

Release date: May 11
Chances that it will suck: 35% (without Orientalism)

Brave

Brave is a new Pixar effort and their first fairy tale. Set in medieval Scotland (Braveheart references/vibe are, obviously, not completely unintentional), this is a tale of princess Merida, an archery master, and a horrible curse. According to the teasers, she will have to save the day. Merida is voiced by Kelly Macdonald, who is a good choice for the role (instead of Reese Witherspoon, who was – for some reason nobody can understand – the first choice for a role of a SCOTTISH princess).

I like Pixar’s films, and I like the vibe of this one, but one of the main reasons I’m intrigued to watch it is because people are so sure it will suck. Why? Because, according to many people, it just seems like a typical Disney movie and not like something Pixar would do. So they think it will be the first Pixar movie that sucked (what, wait, Cars didn’t suck?) So, naturally, I just have to watch this one and see for myself. I do hope they’ll bring a twist to the story. As much as I’m ok with fairy tales, I do want an original take on the story about a kick ass heroine.

Release date: June 22.
Chances that it will suck: 30%

Seven Psychopaths

Probably THE most anticipated film of 2012 for me, a new story by Martin McDonagh, the writer and director of In Bruges. As we all know, In Bruges kicked some serious ass and it was one of the best films of the decade. Seven Psychopaths reunites McDonagh and Colin Farrell, who plays a screenwriter struggling to write a script called, you’ll guess it: Seven Psychopaths. So, yeah.

The plot involves dog napping, Sam Rockwell as an actor without a job, Christopher Walken as another sidekick (or is he?) and Woody Harrelson as a crazy gangster who just wants his dog back. Doesn’t sound particularly exciting? Fear not, there’s more to it. As you probably guess, Seven Psychopaths from the title will appear in the film. With many meta references n’ stuff. I can’t describe how much I want this one to be good (and, obviously, how much I’d be disappointed if it turns out to be bad). Oh, well. There’s still fookin’ Bruges if that happens.

Release date: November 9.
Chances that it will suck: 15% (Unless they really screw this one, in which case: 85%)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I already said how I feel about this. I was never a big fan of the Hobbit, unlike LotR (which is one of my favourite books). At the same time, of course I want to watch it; no questions asked here. I hate the hype, but I do want to see Peter Jackson’s interpretation of the Hobbit. On one hand, there are some bad signs: according to the trailer, it is made to seem darker and more epic than the story requires. On the other: Martin Freeman.

Let me repeat this: Martin Freeman! The. Best. Possible. Bilbo. Ever. This man was born to play this role, and he knows it, and we know it and, thanks God, Peter Jackson knew it, too. This casting is so perfect on all possible levels that I’m ready to forgive Jackson some of the questionable casting decisions in the past. Martin Freeman as Bilbo is the best possible thing this movie could get, and he’s one of the main reasons I’m looking forward to this film.

Release date: December 14.
Chances it will suck: With Martin Freeman as Bilbo? No way.

PS- Who wants to bet I’ll remember another, and another, and yet another film I could put on this list as soon as I hit the “publish” button?

I remember watching the ceremonies when I was in my early teens. I’d stay up for whole night (the broadcast starts in 2 AM or so and lasts till 6 AM), and while I never believed the the glamor or the importance of this award, watching the show has become something I just do. So I know what I’m saying when I’m talking about the whole thing turning from a show everybody wanted to see to “just another awards show”, only more boring.

While shorter ceremony does make some things less boring, it also seems so rushed, and some things I’ve always enjoyed the most (performing nominated songs and presenting movies nominated for the best film) is gone. It turned into a rushed presenter – announcing the winner – rushed winner speech, interrupted by stupid jokes by uninspired hosts (stupid jokes are Oscars tradition, though).

It seems like they don’t even care about this, and the usual snubs and the politics of the award are still here, which isn’t a good combination.

This year, though, I’ve had my reasons for watching the Oscars: Gary Oldman was (finally!) nominated. And while I’m not really sad that he didn’t win (I’m ok with Dujardin; better him than Clooney or Pitt, if you ask me), I am so pissed off at the director of the ceremony. They didn’t even acknowledge Gary’s existence in the room before the leading Actor award. I mean, WTF, people? Usually, acting nominees are in the spotlight. But the way they did it, you’d think Gary wasn’t even there! The dog from the Artist got more screen time, and while I’m not against animals being in the spotlight, it’s just confusing.

So the main appeal of this year’s Oscar ceremony was totally ruined for me.

I don’t have much to say about the actual winners. I haven’t seen most of the ladies’ movies so I don’t know if Meryl deserved this Oscar or not. Unlike many people (who think she’s overrated) I think she’s a great actress. Still, it’s interesting that she’s one of the rare actresses (or actors in general) who can play in a crappy movie and still get recognized for her performance because she’s good. This simply doesn’t happen. Being good in a bad movie usually means to be ignored (it happened to many).

I refused to watch the Help so I don’t know if Octavia Spencer was the best supporting actress, but people say she was good, so I’ll believe them. It’s great that Christopher Plummer finally got recognized, but sadly, that meant snubbing Max von Sydow. Like I said, I’m ok with Streep – she is a fantastic actress, but then again, so is Glenn Close, and she went home empty handed. As for the lead actor, we all know how I feel about this. I’m cool with Dujardin, and I’m also cool with the Artist winning the best picture and the rest of the things it won. If it couldn’t be Gary, I’d rather see Oscar going to Dujardin than Pitt or Clooney.

So, I’m not pissed off by the winners, but I am about the ceremony. Watching Billy Crystal’s botoxed face was painful, and I didn’t get to see the man I wanted to see the most, because, obviously, Gary Oldman didn’t seem interesting enough for those in charge with the broadcast. So I have to repeat: WTF, people!

It would be nice to say something like: “I am interested because this issue is something that should concern all people”, which is partly true, but it’s not the complete answer.

The thing is, it does have a lot to do with me, though in an indirect way. But since some things are too close to home to think about them straight, it’s good to think about stuff such as privilege, oppression, collective identities and various mechanisms that guide human actions through a different way they manifest themselves.

I guess this is what makes the race discussion so familiar for me even if it doesn’t have much to do with my own culture. This is what I found interesting: with all the unfamiliar stuff there were always things that I was familiar with.

It also helped me in other ways. It made me understand America (= USA) better, for good or the bad, since my previous experience was either through Hollywood, my culture’s views on it or its views on my culture. None of it speaks much about America the way it is.

Plus – and let’s not forget about it – I’ve met many great people through these websites.

That being said, I am not active on the “race” websites anymore. I guess that I got too involved at one point, and when I get involved in any sort of a political issue, I usually run away. When I start feeling it concerns me, I stop discussing it and writing about it. This is the main reason I don’t write about Balkans or my experience with it. I guess it’s too personal. So maybe that’s the reason I’m not that involved with the race discussion websites anymore? Or maybe it’s because most of my friends left?

In any case, that doesn’t change my motives for dealing with this issue.

… Till today.

Somehow – and I bet it was a tricky task – the Academy finally realized that Gary not having any nominations is a crime against art (and common sense). So, there he is. An Academy award nominee. Finally. It was about fucking time, I say.

Of course, we all know it’s not that simple. It’s Oscars we’re talking about. We all know how they work. His nomination for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is not really about his performance. It’s about finally recognizing the man who was snubbed so many times before. A great actor who wasn’t even nominated, even when he was supposed to be, and all because of some shitty reasons (including, but not limited to, politics). So don’t be fooled: this nomination isn’t about his last year’s performance.

But you know what? I don’t fucking care. It was about time, that’s all I’m saying. And no, I don’t think Oscars are that important. After Sandra Bullock winning one, it’s clear they don’t mean anything. Still, it IS considered the most important acting award, and I do think never nominating Gary Oldman was a crime and a disgrace. Also, I’m hoping that an Oscar nomination will finally bring him better roles.

But can he win? More about it later. So far, I’m glad they’ve finally nominated him.

That’s why I don’t know how I feel about the upcoming movie, or its trailer. I’m one of those people who didn’t really like LotR movies. The novel is one of my favourite books, so the movie was disappointing: eye candy for sure, but Jackson simply failed to capture the spirit of the novel. Luckily, there was Howard’s Shore amazing score: certainly one of my favourite scores and the one that does capture the spirit of the book.

Since I don’t remember that much of The Hobbit, I can’t really say how annoying the trailer is when it comes to movie changes and illogical stuff (which bothered me in LotR). What I can say is that the movie seems a lot darker than the book. The book is a fun story about a hobbit’s adventure written for kids, while the trailer presents is as dark and epic. I guess this is intentional: you simply have to make it earth-shattering and epic to make people (particularly LotR movie fans) interested. And you don’t want to make it into a movie for kids. I get that. And it’s not that I wouldn’t like to see a bit darker take on this story. Still, it looks like this will be another Jackson’s adaptation of Tolkien that doesn’t capture the spirit of the story.

There are good things, though. I really like Martin Freeman as Bilbo. The man is born to be a Hobbit, much more than Elijah Wood ever was. I also think he’d make a great Bilbo. Which is important for the story: nothing sucks more than having an annoying protagonist. I can already tell who the new hotties will be: Richard Armitage (Thorin) and Aidan Turner (Kili)… Luckily, they are better than Orlando Bloom (who will reprise his role… I mean, wtf? His former teen fans are not in their mid-20s).

But despite not being that interested in the Hobbit adaptation, I must admit the trailer made me enthusiastic. Not sure why. It just seems like a movie I’d like to watch, and hopefully, Howard Shore will be there with some amazing music. I guess these movies just make you watch them, even if you cringe at movie changes, illogical stuff or Orlando Bloom.

I bet it will be a semi-crappy disappointing movie, beautiful from the outside but lacking from the inside, just like LotR movies were. But I am sure interested.

I just… Can’t. It happens to me when I’m depressed, or anxious, or when I worry. I become so fucking unproductive in those situations. I also suffer from insomnia. I can’t sleep at night. I just can’t.

But to make this post somewhat positive, here are some post ideas:

- Race & yours truly (race blogs, racism, and what’s in it for me, because I’m white and I’m non-Westerner, so it’s not an issue that usually affects people in my part of the world. Unlike, you know, almost all the other issues you can think of).
- Movie reviews (I love doing movie reviews, and I don’t even care if a movie is new or not. I’ve been planning on doing a review for In Bruges for so long, and there are also some new films I’m interested in: new Sherlock Holmes or Tin Tin, or just some little independent movie I watched and loved).
- Stereotypes about Eastern Europeans (that are actually true).
- Novel writing (How to and How Not To)
- Vampires and the Balkans (and the way popular representations of vampires, based on stories about Dracula, were actually formed as cautionary tales about the wild Balkans, a dangerous region that can corrupt the West – yes, that’s right kids, there’s an ugly story behind this).

Anyway, this song always makes me feel better for some reason:

So, I present you my NaNo novel, The Demise of the Elm Trees (it’s a working title but I like it).

This novel is special for a couple of reasons. This is the first time I write in English (and yes, I’m shit scared of it, thanks for asking). My level of language self-esteem is quite low to non-existent. But if I ever think to grow as a writer I need to learn now to do this, so NaNo seemed like a good opportunity to try.

It’s also the first time I write a YA (Young Adult) novel. Consciously, at least. I believe many of my early novels (those beautiful and embarrassing and amazing and face-palm and nostalgic teen efforts) were also YA, but I was unfamiliar with the label back then. Why YA? In part, because I’m a sucker for coming of age stories, and in part because YA doesn’t require complicated style or advanced English.

I’ll share more about the story later (if there are people interested to read about it), but for now, I present you the writing rules (or you could say it’s more of a process?) I set for my NaNo novel:

1. Write now, worry about grammar later. Try to record your thoughts on the electronic paper without worrying about the grammar structure, appropriate words and idioms, and especially not about that fucking thing called “past tenses in English language”. (Or the most evil aspect of them, the Present Perfect vs Past Perfect issue). Oh no, don’t worry about it now.

2. When first draft is finished, write a second one. Fix the plot, characters and stuff.

3. Check your information Do your research again. Check every single thing, from school policies, drama classes and copyright to pop cultural references and important events. Make sure everything is plausible.

4. Speaking of which, make sure it seems like 1994. Do a double check on slang (especially regional, including, but not limited to Seattle). Do a double check on technology. Fashion. Pop culture all over again. And then, slang one more time.

5. Fix your grammar the best you can. (There’s no point in doing this before the step 5 if you need to change your sentences and write new ones).

6. Grow a pair and ask a few unsuspecting victims beta readers to read it. They will have a demanding task of checking your story/writing, your information and your grammar, but that’s what friends are for, right?

Not sure why. I mean, I like R.E.M. and I think they’re a quality band, but for some reason, I’ve never though much about them.

Unexpectedly, this song hit me two days ago and now I can’t stop plying it over and over (and over) again. That’s what I do, BTW: when I like I song, I put it on a repeat until everybody around me is sick of it. And if it’s a good song, it takes a while to get there.