Today is Jefflion.net’s birthday! I registered the domain in 2007 (I can’t believe it was 4 years ago).

Just a reminder, “jefflion” is short for “Jeff Ament looks like a lion”, and we all know how important that fact is, right?

Choosing character names for your story/novel can be a lot of fun… or incredible pain in the butt. Some writers obsess about it, trying everything to get the names absolutely right, to the point of being unable to outline or write the story until they choose a name that fits the character perfectly. Others don’t bother that much, and will instantly know how to name a new character. Usually, writers encounter both of these scenarios.

Names are important. Serious academic discussion/research show that words in general have power to shape people’s view of the world. And names are often important part of people’s identities. So it’s understandable that a writer wants to pay attention to this.

A character name should be, first and foremost, appropriate to setting (such as time, place, culture – unless you purposely decide against it). It should also be easily distinguishable from other names in the story. But other than that – and this is where it gets tricky – it should “fit” the character.

What a “name that fits” actually means depends on the writer. Some search for name meanings/origins and try to find the one that fits character’s personality or physical appearance. Others pick names based on people they know (and love… or hate). Some simply try to find a name that “sounds right”, for whatever reason.

I choose character names based on synesthesia.

I strongly associate letters with colours (same goes for numbers, months, days in a week, etc.) It’s always been like that for me. I guess all people do, but it’s quite strong with me that it often makes it seem like a name doesn’t fit the person just because it starts with a “brown” letter and they have blond hair.

Needless to say, my synesthesia influences the way I pick names for my characters. While I try my best to make them appropriate to the setting, the main thing I do is to see (literally) what name goes with their physical appearance (meaning: hair, eye or skin colour; sometimes the colours they like to wear). This way, I often end up with completely generic names, but they fit the characters (in my mind at least), because the colours are right.

For example, my main characters in the last year’s NaNo were named Sarah and Tom. “S” is yellow or light brown, which fits her hair colour. She has green eyes, so a name starting with a green letter (I or K) would also fit. “T” is a blue letter. Guess Tom’s eye colour. And so on. I even had huge problems with myself for naming a light haired guy Mark. “M” is a red letter. So I gave the guy red car to drive (and parade around). Yes, I go that far.

Similarly, if there’s a character that somehow ends up with a name that’s not appropriate for his colours, I will make him wear said colour often. I won’t necessarily describe this in detail, but it will be there in my mind.

I guess this method is as good as any other. But not many people mention using it, and sometimes I wonder if it’s a bit limiting. Or if it makes you pick a name that “sounds perfect”, but isn’t fully appropriate for your setting.

I found this a while ago (not sure about the source), and I thought I might use it for the new visitors who don’t know much about me… Or when I want to make a quick blog post.

Were you considered popular in high school? Why or why not?

No way! Quite the contrary, I was the most unpopular. I mean, literally: I was voted the most unpopular person in my class when I was 16.

I have no idea why, though. I guess being socially awkward has something to do with it.

Did you have an enemy or bully when you were young?

Yes. I’ve been bullied a lots of times. Not sure if this requires more elaborate answer. It sucks because I was sometimes bullied by the adults, too.

How often do you go over the speed limit?

I don’t drive. I don’t have a driver’s license.

What was your worst dating experience?
I guess it was with a guy who did it because he lost the bet and he had to ask me out. He didn’t even try to conceal this fact during our date.

How old are you in your dreams?

My age, I guess.

Do you dance like crazy, when no one is looking?

Oh, yes! Well, I think I’m a good dancer, I have rhythm and I’m not shy to show it. But I don’t like being watched, so I do it when nobody’s around.

Do you like to sing in the shower?

No, not really. But I used to do it when I was about 8 and obsessed with the Little Mermaid. Don’t ask.

What do sing in the shower, if you do sing?

Like I said, songs from Disney’s the Little Mermaid. I don’t do it anymore, though.

What do you do when (you think) no one is looking?

I talk to myself. I can get very expressive. I sometimes talk in English. Now, technically, I don’t really talk to myself, I am trying to come up with believable dialogue for my stories.

When you were younger, did you ever drink too much and get sick?

No, but I can get drunk quickly so I just stop drinking when I realize I’m drunk.

It’s easy for me to make friends online. Easier than in real life, actually. This makes me think about the concept of online friendship. Are the people you meet online friends in true sense of the word? Or is it impossible for them to be, because you never really meet them in person?

I used to believe that the people you meet online are not real friends. They can’t be, unless you meet them in real life (which isn’t always possible).

Then again, I tend to spend a lot of time online, and this was even more true for my early 20s. Some of my online friends helped me overcome loneliness in a particular moment in my life, and I was really close to them. Isn’t that enough to call them real friends?

So now I believe it’s quite possible to call online friends “real friends”. It’s not that they’re imaginary or that they can’t be there for you if you need them.

Still, there are some differences between real life and online friendship.

Most of online communication is written

It means you are often limited to what a written word can offer. Unless, of course, you decide to video chat with your friends, which is great, but a) I’ve never done it so I don’t know what is like and b) It’s still not the same as real life contact.

Not me, though. I always felt written communication worked better for me. I can’t read nonverbal signs well, and I am quite shy. It seems like I never know what to say, but I always know what to write. But some people find these aspects of Internet communication too limiting.

Internet is not real life

This is the main problem. The way many people see Internet, it’s not real life in full sense of the word. But how much of it is “really” real? Even if a person on the other side is honest, is it possible to truly get to know her? If you never met someone offline, can you say you met him at all? This puts online friends somewhere between imaginary friends and your real ones.

Plus, because Internet is not seen as real life, whatever happens online seems less important than the stuff that happens in real life. Now, in so many ways this is true: Internet shouldn’t be more important than the real life. But this is what ruins many online friendships: because of real life circumstances, people often forget about their online activities, and that includes online friends.

The closeness you build is… fake?

Here’s a potential danger. It’s easy to (seemingly) become close with someone online in a very short time. Sharing secrets and personal details bring people close, so you might feel like you really know this person (even though you never met him in true sense of the word).

On the other hand, sharing secrets and personal details often DO bring people together, and just because it happened online shouldn’t make that much of a difference.

Online friends tend to disappear

The problem is, while this closeness builds pretty quickly online, it can also be destroyed in an instant. A person loses his interest in a forum or a blog and he’s gone. He stops replying to your emails. Etc.

Solutions

Luckily, there are solutions to these challenges, and it is possible to build and maintain great online friendships. Here are some things that can help:

Try to build stronger connections with your online friends, connections that are not dependent on websites you both frequent. Exchanging emails is a good idea. So is chatting (and video chatting). Depending on circumstances, exchanging phone numbers might be a good idea, too. And, finally, meeting your online friend in real life might make him or her your “real” friend. (Or not. But that’s another story).

Don’t forget about your friends once the message board closes or you lose interest in a blog. You still have your friend’s contact details, so use it to stay in touch.

Try not to share (or demand) any details you wouldn’t share in real life on a given stage of a friendship. Let things build. But sharing some things you wouldn’t share in real life is okay, too; just remember that this closeness can’t compensate for a real life contact.

Don’t forget about your online friends when something more exciting happens in real life. Inform them if you’re going to be offline and try to drop them a note from time to time, to see how they’re doing.

And, the most important one: treat your online friends as real people in full sense of the world. Sounds obvious, but people need to be reminded about it.

All in all

I do think online friends are real friends. But because Internet is so young, we still haven’t learned all the skills needed for building and maintaining online friendships. We simply don’t know yet what works in Internet communication (emotionally, and socially), so we are not sure how to behave.

The ways we meet and socialize with people in real life might not work on the Internet. Different rules apply for maintaining healthy online friendships. I guess we’re still unsure what they are, but I hope we’ll get there soon.

Many women today remove, or at least trim & style their pubic hair. It’s almost difficult to believe that not a long time ago (read: 70s and even 80s) pubic hair was seen as a normal, even a desirable thing, at least in western cultures. For centuries, pubic hair was seen as a major turn-on, because of otherwise hairless female body (and some men even described female pubic hair as an arrow pointing down the female most sensitive parts).

Things are so different today that is somewhat difficult to find anybody, male or female, who likes pubic hair on women in its full, untrimmed state. While there are millions of women who don’t remove pubic hair in any way, it’s sure seen as an imperative, and something any attractive woman do.

The reasons for removing pubic hair are quite simple: it’s a fashionable thing to do today and women are seen more attractive that way. Simple as that. It’s not much of a mystery; women always perform certain things to alter their bodies and make them appear more attractive, and today’s standards say it’s what makes women “hotter”.

Therefore, it’s interesting to see this simple motive is not what many women (or men) use when talking about removing female pubic hair. The motive that most of the people mention is hygiene. In short, hairs are dirty and smelly, and should be removed so the area is clean and fresh. Many women believe this, and the last thing women want is to be dirty.

But the truth is quite the opposite: pubic hair keeps your body clean. If body hair was dirty and unhygienic, we wouldn’t have it on sensitive places such as around our eyes and in our nostrils. Eyelashes, and eyebrows are there to protect our eyes from dirt and they help keeping sweat out of our eyes.

Pubic hair works the same, especially on women. Hair is what prevents the dirt and sweat and germs to find their way inside your vagina. A naked pubic area is a perfect place for all sorts of infections, especially since the skin is often irritated after shaving or waxing. Combine that with unhygienic underwear (the one that’s not made of cotton, and sadly, sexy & tight underwear is often not made of cotton), and you have a perfect scenario for a vaginal yeast infection.

So no, pubic hair is not dirty and unhygienic. One would say it’s a body’s natural barrier against dirt and gems.

Besides hygiene, there are other motives that people mention, such as: I want to receive oral sex (hair doesn’t prevent it, as Colin Farrell was happy to inform us), I want to wear bikinis and sexy underwear, etc. Some women say they do care about what men thing, and men of today tend to hate pubic hair on women, so they remove it. While all of these reasons are good, it’s all back to the basic one: it’s a fashionable thing to do today.

Still, many women insist on removing pubic hair because of “hygiene”. Many men, bless them, also claim it seems “cleaner” that way. But, why kid ourselves? Women remove their pubic hair because it’s a fashionable thing to do today, even if it’s not healthy in the strict sense of the words. It’s nothing new: women always do things that aren’t good for their health in order to appear more attractive, and this one is hardly alarming (with good personal hygiene, it’s relatively easy to avoid an infection).

But it’s interesting to note that the real reason here is often hidden: so many people insist hair removal is a good hygienic practice. Why? Is it because they feel fashion (and/or male attention) aren’t legitimate enough reasons? Or because today’s people insist on healthy lifestyle so much they have to proclaim even unhygienic practices healthy in order to go with them?