These are some common mistakes websites visitors make. These mistakes are quite annoying for the website owners and other visitors. Needless to say, we all make them, from time to time.

Visiting a site that is not for you

Most of the sites are open for general public, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t check whether the site in question is the one that suits your needs and interests. Or the one where you’ll feel comfortable.

This mistake is the one that can be quite frustrating to you, so it’s not like you should pay attention just because of the owner’s sake. This is particularly true for Internet forums. Even if the subject is the one that interests you, take your time to see what kind of people post there. If you see it’s not a place for you, just leave.

Asking stupid questions

They say there aren’t stupid questions. But here’s what I mean: Be it in the form of blog comments, emails, twits, etc., asking something that’s a) obvious, b) irrelevant, c) has been answered numerous times before, can be quite annoying.

That doesn’t mean site owners should have a zero-tolerance policy towards (unwanted) questions. After all, everybody needs time to get used to a site’s design and the way “things are” out there, and yes, the owner should be there to help. Ignoring this is just bad and rude.

But visitors have brains and they should use them. If, for example, you find yourself at a website that says: “This is a fansite dedicated to X celebrity”, don’t assume the X celebrity runs the site. So asking whether X would like to have sex with you is… a bit pointless to say the least.

(Accidental) trolling

Some would say there’s no such a thing as trolling on accident. But we all know the type. People who simply don’t understand how to post comments or forum posts that are in any shape or form meaningful and on topic. There are also people who insult and annoy others with their randomness and lack of ability to write coherent messages.

Not reading site policy/rules

This is one of the most annoying things a visitor can do. If there is a site policy, if there’s commenting policy, if there are rules and guidelines, do read them and stick to them.

Deliberate trolling

This goes without saying. And then again, there are site owners who don’t mind, or who encourage trolling, flaming and drama. It’s just publicity, isn’t it? But it’s not something that should be encouraged.

See Also: Top 5 annoying blogging mistakes (that I often make)

The Death of the Author is a concept, particularly popular in postmodernism. It’s a very simple concept: facts about the author (such as biography, personal beliefs, gender, race or experiences) should not be taken into account when interpreting said author’s work.

As we all know, this is somewhat fair: who the author is should not influence our opinion or interpretation of the work. But in reality, who the author is matters, and, like it or not, a person can’t escape forming the opinion based on what she knows about the author. If Umberto Eco and Britney Spears both write a book about postmodernism, I bet Eco’s would be taken more seriously than Britney’s (though I’d love to read her view on the matter). A white male’s work about racism is not seen in the same light as black female’s work on the subject. Etc.

So, it’s unavoidable. It’s unclear whether it’s good or not, though. As much as you think knowing the author’s beliefs and experiences can help interpreting and understanding the work, it can also be quite misleading. Some authors hate their work to be interpreted based on this criteria, and that’s another reason for using pen names. It’s definitely one of the reasons I want to use a gender & ethnicity neutral pen name.

Death of the Author proposes that readers are the ones responsible for the interpretation, and that nothing- including facts about the author- should get into the way of someone’s interpretation. Postmodernism believes there are as many interpretations as there are readers (or, even, readings), and personal information about the author is seen as irrelevant, or even harmful for forming the opinion of someone’s work. Therefore, some interpretations might be much, much different than what author originally intended. And it’s fine.

Which leads us to the key idea: the “death” of the author as an authority.

Readers have their own interpretations (that are highly encouraged), and NO interpretation is seen as bad, or less important. That includes author’s own interpretation. It’s seen as no more valid than any of the reader’s. In other words, Shakespeare’s view on “Hamlet” is in no way more important than mine.

Think about this the next time someone claims you “didn’t get what the writer wanted to say”.

Links

Roland Barthes’ essay (he’s the one who came up with this whole thing, so let’s hear what he has to say).

But wait, he was French, and those people have a thing for heavy style that nobody understands. Is there a quick summary of the main ideas?

And what about the hypertext?

Screw it. It’s still complicated. Just get me to the TvTropes, please.

It’s too pretentious and utter pathos to claim this, but there ARE songs so powerful that can make you feel both sad and full of hope, and so alive.

Pearl Jam is one of my favourite bands. I don’t really believe music has the power to change the world or save it, but on the individual level, it helps.

This is a type of song I usually dislike. I’m all for slow songs, but I loved Pearl Jam’s angry, wild style. And this one is sure different. But the way he sings it… It’s impossible not to lose yourself in it.

Like I said, I need to relax. It’s one of those moments when you want to get drunk and forget, but there’s no booze. So I have to go with music.

Pearl Jam “Black”

This is one of the best live versions (though many prefer the Unplugged one). This was performed back in 1992, at the Pinkpop festival. He cries at one point, and adds “we belong together” line. His voice is powerful, but breaks a few times, which only adds to the overall impression. Such a powerful song.

Lyrics:

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything?
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed Everything…

I take a walk outside
I’m surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I’m spinning, oh, I’m spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I will be…yeah…
Uh huh…uh huh…ooh…
I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star
In somebody else’s sky, but why, why, why
Can’t it be, can’t it be mine

Is there a song that makes you feel this way?

My 30 birthday started horrible. I got a nice present yesterday; a really, really nice one: they cut off my electricity because of the unpaid bills. “Unpaid” is an overstatement: I do pay regularly, just not the full amount. (It’s not that I don’t want to… I don’t have enough money to pay). They are relatively tolerant, that is, if you pay at least a small amount when they send you a warning. But I never received the warning, because my postman sucks and refuses to do his job.

So, there I was, no electricity, and panicking. So I called my mother and begged her to pay the bill with her credit card. She got pissed, but went with it. *

* For my international ( = non-Balkan readers): Parents supporting their kids well into their 30s is a normal thing here. Everybody does that. Old people have the most stable income (pension), while people who work… Not so much. So it’s not a rare thing for a person to support her child (who is married) and her grandchildren.

My mother, however… Is specific. She is quite lonely (she has virtually no friends), so she can get possessive and passive-aggressive. To be dependent on her is not a fun thing.

So, I am broke now. Well, I am always broke, but now even more; I am so broke I can’t afford to invite a few friends over for drinks and a cake.

But I digress. After I got the money (more money than I even had with me), and after I gave all of it to those who shall not be named (but work for this rotten, twisted country), I went home. They promised to turn the electricity on today, which meant one night with candlelight. The problem was, I had no candles. So I’ve spent good amount of time looking for one.

Then I got back at my flat, only to discover that the freezer broke. The ice melted, only to expose a tiny hole (that I didn’t know existed). The hole produced a threatening, hissing sound, probably due to freon (or some shit) coming out. I suck at chemistry so I had no idea whether that crap is a) toxic, b) flammable, so it scared the shit out of me. I had to take that crap out of my place.

So my husband and I did it. I am short and weak, and the doctor warned him against lifting heavy things, but there was no way I’d let that thing stay in my flat. So we tried to move it (as heavy as it was), only to realize the cable stuck somewhere behind it, in the total darkness. So I had to take the knife and cut the cable (still in darkness!) to move the fucking thing. While I was doing it I realized how absurd the whole thing was. But it wasn’t funny.

I’ll spare you the details of carrying the freezer to the elevator, and then carrying it across the street to toss it, and me whining in pain because the fucking thing was so heavy. And then getting back to the apartment and carrying the wooden box that the freezer stood on. And then trying to wash yourself, in total darkness.

It was midnight by then, and my birthday officially started. I got a text message from Iva , and I couldn’t answer. It was all surreal somehow.

I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my chest. I know that feeling: it’s how my body reacts to stress. Another common symptom is not being able to eat (which is not a bad thing, since I’m broke), and random periods.

So, that’s it, I guess. I was really looking forward to my 30th birthday. I wanted to relax a bit, and do nothing, and stop worrying for a change. And now it will take me days to recover from this.

The picture posted here was taken by Iva about a week ago. I don’t feel like I’m 30, and then again, I do. People say I don’t look 30 (the only “problematic” thing are dark circles under my eyes, but it’s not due to age, but glasses: I’ve always had them and hated them).

All in all, that’s it, I guess. My relaxation will have to wait. Thanks for reading. A good thing about writing something bad down (which I rarely do, btw) is the fact it makes it seem less real. (At least after a while).

I am a tomboy.

I’m not one of those masculine, “tough” tomboys. I don’t enjoy many “masculine” activities (such as watching football), and I didn’t like to play with car toys when I was a kid. But I am what you call a tomboy. I used to think it makes me “different” and “speshul”, but it doesn’t: there’s nothing more special about tomboys than there is to girly girls.

However, analyzing the way people perceive tomboys (and the tomboy label itself) can reveal a lot about culture and society. There isn’t one way to be a tomboy (and to be seen as such): some think sexual orientation and, above all, “masculinity”, or interests (and fashion style) are what make a tomboy.

The first thing that is interesting to note is that being a tomboy is more, or less, a neutral thing. However, it also brings some advantages, and only one disadvantage.

The disadvantage is the fact men (and also, women) will often not perceive tomboy as “truly female”. This can bring difficulties in dating and love/sex life for tomboys. Tomboys are often seen as less attractive than “girly” women, and men tend to be less interested in them. Because being “pretty” and getting a man are often seen as woman’s top priorities, it makes it seem women perceived as tomboys have an important disadvantage.

However, I believe the label brings many advantages. Because tomboys are often seen as not “truly feminine”, it can help them in other areas of life, such as work. Sadly, many people (mostly, but not exclusively, male people) don’t treat women as true equals. Women often find it difficult for people (especially males) to accept their ideas, or to prove themselves in professional setting (especially if the profession requires intelligence, education and authority). It’s not because they can’t do it; it’s because they are not taken seriously. So not being seen as “really feminine” helps people see you as a “regular human” and are more open to listen to your ideas.

Also, many women find tiring to be approached and harassed by random (male) people, or to be objectified. A woman as a human being becomes unimportant and a target of harassment. Just because she is perceived as an attractive female. Tomboys don’t have this problem: they can go on with they day without being harassed or reminded their intelligence, ideas and PhD don’t matter at all and that all they are are a piece of meat. Feminine women often don’t have that luxury.

So all in all, being a tomboy is not bad; it’s not “special” and it sure isn’t different than being a “girly” female. It does make people perceive you and treat you differently.

Stereotypes

Here are some common stereotypes about tomboys:

Tomboys are not feminine
It’s the one that make a tomboy, but it isn’t really true. Many tomboys are feminine; they just don’t think you have to dress or act a certain way, or to have some specific interests to be seen as feminine.

Tomboys wants to be men
This can’t be further from the truth. While there are women who’d prefer to be men, “tomboys” in conventional sense of the word are happy to be female. They simply don’t see their interests or way they act (or dress) as something that only boys can do.

Tomboys are ugly and unattractive
Being ugly has nothing to do with it. While it’s true many tomboys don’t like makeup and wear casual clothes, it’s hardly what make someone unattractive. It IS true, however, some men don’t go after tomboys, but there are many who do, and that’s one of the reasons being a tomboy is not such a disadvantage even in dating.

Tomboys like (sports, fights, etc.) and hate (fashion, shopping, makeup)
While it might be true some tomboys enjoy activities that are perceived as masculine, this can hardly be a rule. Many girly women, for example, enjoy sports; and many tomboys like shopping. People are different so what a particular person might or might not like is purely individual.

However, it is true some traits tend to give you a tomboy label pretty quickly (such as, a little girl who doesn’t like to play with dolls), but it has nothing to do with tomboys as persons: it’s the way society assign gender roles.

Tomboys are “tough”
Once again, it’s individual. There are many tomboys who are very emotional, romantic and display other “feminine” traits. Seriously, the fact someone hates fashion and prefers to watch a boxing match instead of “Sex and the City” doesn’t say anything about her as a person.

See also:

Women: How not to be seen as fully human