25 things I learned reading “Twilight”

This is a long overdue, last (?) installment of “Twilight” spitttings.

  1. Sex with a vampire can kill you, but only if it’s premarital.
  2. Abusive, controlling behaviour is ok as long as it’s “true love”.
  3. So is pedophilia.
  4. Women are inferior to men.
  5. If they’re not, they’re infertile.
  6. Bad people are ugly, good people are beautiful (even if they don’t find themselves pretty and bitch about that all the time).
  7. Kids treat their parents as crap.
  8. It’s possible to be non-white and attractive (in a wild, uncivilized way), but it’s not nearly as attractive as being pale and white.
  9. In order to know anything about cars and sports, you must posses Y chromosome.
  10. If your boyfriend of 6 months leaves you, it’s perfectly ok to become suicidal.
  11. Blond females are stupid, bitchy and mean. All of them.
  12. Using swear words is bad, but stalking someone isn’t.
  13. Desire to have sex is a good enough reason to get married.
  14. Girls don’t need any skills apart from cooking, and no ambition apart of finding a man.
  15. Clumsiness is attractive. Safety helmets are sexy.
  16. People with bad complexion are not worth your attention.
  17. In order to feel smart, you should read classics such as Jane Austin and Shakespeare. You don’t have to understand a word of what you’ve read, though.
  18. Being forced into a relationship is romantic.
  19. Obsession and lust are easily confused for a true love.
  20. It’s perfectly ok for a father to hate his own child.
  21. Policemen are cowards.
  22. Being older than your boyfriend is a major disaster.
  23. It’s perfectly ok to neglect your child if you want to have sex.
  24. Logic is highly overrated.
  25. In order to sell a book, you don’t need any talent, writing skills or an editor.

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